Grieving / Duelo

I knew the grieving process was not a linear one. You’re meant to have good and bad days, or rather good and bad moments. But I didn’t expect the pain to come in waves.

True, they are probably slowing down in frequency, but most definitely not in intensity. I’m still having bouts of random crying, and dreams.

I guess it doesn’t help that it was her birthday on Sunday, or that one of our cats in Spain (Lucca) has been sick with cancer too and passed away on Monday (which was also the anniversary of my grandad’s passing).

Or the fact that Chloe’s birthday has brought back a lot of memories from last year. A year ago I had a newborn, I had spent three nights in hospital with a generalized infection that I wasn’t responding to, I had been told my grandma had terminal cancer, and was desperate for Chloe’s passport to arrive so we could go see her. Not easy days.

Sabía que el proceso de duelo no era algo lineal, en teoría tienes días buenos y días malos, o más bien momentos buenos y momentos malos. Lo que no me esperaba es que el dolor viniera por rachas.

Si, probablemente se están espaciando, pero la intensidad no cambia. Sigo teniendo momentos de llanto desconsolado, y sueños.

Seguramente no ayuda que el domingo fuera su cumple, o que el lunes muriera Lucca también de cáncer (en el aniversario de la muerte de mi abuelo).

O el hecho de que el cumple de Chloe me está llevando a hace un año, y no es un momento bonito precisamente. Tenía una recién nacida, acababa de pasar tres noches en el hospital por una infección generalizada a la que no respondía, me acababan de decir que mi abuela tenía cáncer terminal, y estaba desesperada porque nos mandaran el pasaporte de Chloe para poder ir a verla.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s